Merry Christmas from me and everyone at GatorAIDS. Or whatever. Surely that’s what I’m supposed to say on an update that goes up December 25th.
Proving that we exist solely to do nothing more than rip on Miniclip I’ll start this brief introduction off by pointing out that Miniclip’s mascot, a caricature of the CEO they affectionately call “Big Rob”, is the scariest fucking mascot in the history of global marketing. Seriously, just look at their fucking Christmas video. I bet you squirted a little in your pants, and not in a sexual way. That THING is horrifying. How a custom costume like that can be produced and not one person going “well now this is just pants-shittingly terrifying” boggles my fucking mind.
That voice. That… FACE. Big Rob rivals the kinds of crazy shit seen in Japanese horror films and surely once Miniclip has had enough of GatorAIDS collectively bashing them that creepy blood-soaked grin on Big Rob’s face will be the last thing me, Dracophile, Payton, or anyone else will ever see.
So, in true Christmas spirit I stole Miniclip’s Christmas video and remixed it into Roastmaster’s X-Mas Special. Enjoy the nightmare.
WARNING: This article contains suggestive images and/or pictures of sex toys. The images are not explicitly pornographic but the content of this article may still be considered NSFW if you are reading this in a public or open environment. You have been warned.
Ask anybody what the best part of Christmas is and they will unanimously tell you “the presents”. Yes, there is nothing quite like getting a bunch of boxes of either completely useless items or something incredibly awesome. Most people are pretty easy to shop for. Kids, for example, will eat up anything (literally) with small parts or dinosaurs. All dads like socks and ties, all moms want a Snuggie, guidos want spray tan (yes even in December), and drug addicts want their next hit.
But what about furries?
ScotchGuard. Lots... and lots... of ScotchGuard.
Furries can be notoriously hard to shop for. After all, what exactly are you supposed to get someone whose hobbies include masturbating to The Secret of Nimh and dressing up like a fox? DVD’s, art supplies, and comic books? Joke’s on you because they probably already have all that. If you’re shopping for a furry then you have to think creatively and outside of the box. It is a medical fact that all furries are clinically insane, so here’s five Christmas gift ideas (poorly timed and posted on December 25th), that you can take to heart for the special furfag in your life.
GatorAIDS has been lacking in new content for over a month now, so I’ve taken it upon myself (you’re welcome )to compile a short video of clips for your utmost enjoyment. The title of this special is A Day in the Life, and it chronicles an abridged ten minutes of Ron Rondon’s Saturday afternoon. The composition of the clips was designed in such a way that it attempts to emulate the aura of spending a day with R.R. and his friends … but it hardly comes close.
The title of this article is pretty crappy and unintentionally vague. “Collectible coins” can reference a lot of things such as video game items, how you can seduce a dragon, or worthless little metallic circles usually bearing national tragedies (both domestic and presidential). Collecting coins is a respectable hobby if you know what you’re doing and if you play your cards right you can cash in your… cash… for more cash (shit was so cash). It’s common knowledge that money and things that resemble money can equal more money so it didn’t take long for companies to show up touting “commemoratives” and “legal tender” currency that only has value if you live in the Bumfuck Islands just off the coast of The People’s Sovereign Republic of Neverland. Coins can be collectible, however just like anything else that’s specifically created to be collectible these “highly collectible” coins whose producers claim will only increase in value will do anything but. Here’s seven “collectible” coins which if you purchased them means you are retarded.
If there was a stock market for disgusting practical jokes (stock symbol: TURD) then the market was at its highest during the opening of the world’s first public restroom. A public restroom is the only place where you can pull your pants down and whip out your dong without fear of being labeled as a sex offender* and studies have shown that humans are at their most vulnerable when they are taking a dump (Zombieland, et al.). When someone storms into a bathroom seeking desperate relief this moment is the RPG-equivalent of a critical hit chance and is the perfect moment to pull a mind-blowing prank on them.
See? It's rule #3 just behind "stay in shape" and "shoot twice".
Here are six pranks you can pull in a bathroom to prey upon a random stranger when they’re at their most vulnerable. These aren’t your grandmother’s “fake wet floor” sign pranks, either, these are pranks that if executed properly will cause people to avert their eyes in disgust or cock their heads in total mindfuck. Each prank is rated on the following criteria: Cost (for materials), Time (to execute), Punishment (if you’re caught), and overall Difficulty.
*Note: Despite the fact that you can legally pull down your pants in a public restroom there are still things you can do in said bathroom to obtain this label. Please use direction when handling your No-No.
Operating a company isn’t an easy task and I’m not going to sugar coat anything I say here today. I’m not the CEO of a Fortune 500 company nor am I a stock market kajillionaire but throughout my years of working in the industry I’ve picked up some advice and lessons that seem to be lost on most companies these days. Strangely enough these are all lessons that I picked up whilst thanklessly working on the bottom rungs of the corporate ladder meaning that for the most part the douchebags higher up who do everything wrong are probably just making honest mistakes since they’ve more than likely hardly had to work for a single fucking thing in their entire lives (or the government just bails them out if they slip up big time). It’s time to set the record straight with six pieces of advice that every company should take to heart.
If you’re reading this and you live in the United States (of which I have been told is our largest demographic here at the presently revived GatorAIDS) then there’s a solid chance you’ve been enrolled in the public schooling system. Public school is one of those experiences that helps shape and cultivate who you are as a person both on the inside and on the outside, as in you’re either the person giving or receiving the swirly. I went to public school and I survived by choosing my own path and refusing to take any bullshit from people who wanted to get in my face about something. I got into fights with would-be bullies who didn’t know any better and I’ve had arguments where I told a substitute teacher she was about as smart and useful as Peggy Hill. All of these experiences change who you are as a person and arm you with the ability to either confront real life after graduation, or give it your best shot and let it blow up in your face. Here are six awesome memories from public school that are now becoming more and more scarce as time speeds on by.
This posting is a departure from the website’s normally satirical and funny work and is meant to be a little more informative about why GatorAIDS.com re-opened suddenly, where we hope to go with the website and community, and how you can help. Keep in mind that you don’t have to really do anything grand to help us, every little bit helps because we believe that if you get enough people doing “just a little bit” those little bits will add up to something grand for a while.
And thus far they have.
In the past week or so the GatorAIDS community has pitched in to boost our traffic, contributed donations, and supported our advertisers to the tune of $75. Doesn’t sound like much but considering all that happened in the span of 4 days that quickly becomes a formidable amount of support.
Please read onward to learn more and have some questions you may have answered.
Coming from the kid who said he was bisexual a month before. Smooth.
The kid who “tweeted” that shit above I have known for about five years now, and admittedly, some of those years were alright. But a year back, this kid (whose name I am not going to disclose) started classifying himself as “emo” or “scene” and became a huge embarrassment to be around. Red skinny jeans, t-shirts of bands like “Bring Me The Horizon” (amongst others), made claims of being in a different band every month or so, etc. To this day, he still does that shit.
Just this past October shit hit the fan and lots of stuff happened, and our already falling apart friendship died altogether. I’m not here to get into all of that, because it’s a long, boring and not entirely enjoyable story to cycle back through, so I’ll cut straight to the point of this article: How the hell do people change so much over short periods of time?
Good morning! If you’re reading this then it’s either Christmas Day or it’s sometime after Christmas and you’re just slow in keeping up with the site! Because I’m in charge of the content for this website that also kind of means that I’m in charge of the holiday-themed content as well, since it’s all grouped into the same general category of “moderately funny stuff”. Last Halloween I put out Afterlife TV (Revisited), a serious look at Ghost Hunters… and because of a personal emergency I missed Thanksgiving and/or Black Friday (and even Cyber Monday) so now it’s really crunch time for me to pull something out of my rear for Christmas (and likely New Years as well). I’d be lying to you if I said I had a single ounce of a clue as to what I want to write about this holiday season because I don’t, so we’ll just see how that goes. New Years, though, I’ve got that under control – a quick retrospective of this crappy decade appropriately called “The Double Zeroes”. :3
But that’s beside the point, I’ve got a whole week to ponder over this wacky and pathetic decade, it’s all about the jolly red fat man today so I should get busy talking about Christmas…
)to compile a short video of clips for your utmost enjoyment. The title of this special is A Day in the Life, and it chronicles an abridged ten minutes of Ron Rondon’s Saturday afternoon. The composition of the clips was designed in such a way that it attempts to emulate the aura of spending a day with R.R. and his friends … but it hardly comes close.
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