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What Your Fursona REALLY Says About You

February 26th, 2010 2 comments

WARNING: Images in this article HAVE been censored but the content may still be considered NSFW if you’re reading this in an open environment. You have been warned.

I’ve been on the Internet a long time. I remember back when every website displayed in Times New Roman and when GeoCities websites turned up in the first pages of Google searches. The Internet was a different place back then, full of buzzing modems and ugly typewriter-looking fonts (excluding the GeoCities-made fanpage staple Comic Sans). Previously disenfranchised people such as white supremacists were able to connect with each other and talk about hating black people, hating Jews, and doubly hating Jewish black people. Social groups that were otherwise unattached with one another were given a chance to reach out and band together and one of the very first groups to do so and gain momentum was the furry fandom.

Furries claim that their fandom has been around since the eighties and even have “experts” in the fandom that agree. If “Expert of the Furry Fandom” isn’t a self-appointed title I don’t know what is, but I will say that while the tiger chick from Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like The Wolf” music video was indeed hot I find it a far stretch to say that people are dressing up like Care Bears and having sex with each other because of it. That’s like saying Richard Nixon fucked up the economy of the United States by taking us off of the gold standard in the 1960′s. It certainly wasn’t a step in the right direction but Tricky Dick isn’t responsible for toppling the economy. Dubya, his cronies, and the combined efforts of their Visas and MasterCards are. Likewise a European pop band isn’t responsible for the word “yiff”; a bunch of Asperger’s with incredibly deviant sexual desires and access to an AOL free trial CD in the early nineties were.

I don’t hate furries, really. Dracophile is a friend of mine, and I suppose Payton is as well by proxy now that we write for the same site, and both of them are moderately sane and decent people if not a little eccentric at times. The only thing I have a problem with, honestly, is all of the people from the furry fandom who are so disconnected with the world and oblivious to how fucking retarded they are that they unknowingly put on a show for the masses as they haul their Baconator-loving masses around inside of an otter fursuit in the middle of an upscale hotel. For some furries their interests are mundane and they’re only in it to draw a few pictures and make some friends and I commend them for that, even if you have to stoop as low as to draw porn of Street Sharks at least you’re making an effort to make friends. Then there are those who live and breathe furrydom like an obsession and claim that their “fursona” is a representation of who they are on the inside (“halp imma aminal trapped in a hyooman bodyyy!!!”). This article is meant to take a look at the most popular fursonas in the fandom, what their subscribers think it means, and what it actually means.

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Roastmaster vs. iRANiAN.CYBER.ARMY Part Deux

December 29th, 2009 No comments

Well, about a week ago I posted here in regards to this “hacking” that took place on Twitter supposedly carried out by the “iRANiAN.CYBER.ARMY”, a group that I assume is comprised entirely of Iranian 11-year-olds who are unable to get their pilots licenses yet so rather than waste time playing with trash and AK-47s they took the liberty of jazzing up Twitter late 90′s style.

I wanted to be all over this like some kind of a racist joke about rice or Ethiopians so I sent an email out to this “army” posing as a Norwegian news reporter. My email, as you can probably still see on the front page of GatorAIDS.com, was mostly a stab at them thinly veiled as an interview. Honestly in hind sight that was probably a stupid move and they might have bombed my house but then again these people were dumb enough to use Gmail, and that’s unfortunately the nail in the casket here; I emailed them and the next day when I checked my inbox I had that ominous message from the MAILER DAEMON informing me that my message delivery was “permanetely failed forever” or something equally as insulting and demeaning. Thanks Google, thanks for telling me that I EPIC PHAIL’D on sending terrorists an email.

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Roastmaster vs. iRANiAN.CYBER.ARMY

December 22nd, 2009 No comments

For those of you who don’t use Twitter or follow the news or even pay any attention to the Internet Twitter was hacked the other day (lol Faux Newz). Even more hilarious than the fact that someone was ballsy enough to try and hack such a worthless website is the fact that it was done by the iRANiAN.CYBER.ARMY (it helps to play a “dun dun dunnnnn” in your head after reading that). I totally didn’t embellish that name at all, that’s what these jokers seriously called themselves, and rumor has it that they attacked Twitter as an anti-American effort online… while their provided contact information is a GMail address. I’m not sure if these people are just oblivious or completely retarded but GMail is something located in the United States, so nice job contradicting yourselves there guys, mad props to you. They must have called Google Tech Support and gotten an outsourced call and agreed that they were an acceptable service or something.

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Remembering Billy Mays

June 30th, 2009 No comments

It would seem appropriate to say that this month is pretty shitty in terms of celebrity deaths, what with Farrah Fawcett being claimed by cancer and Michael Jackson being anticlimactically taken down by heart failure (I was personally expecting him to go insane and literally explode or at least have his hair catch on fire again). Amongst the chaos the demon hands of the Grim Reaper bitchslapped American infomercial star and co-host of Discovery Channel’s Pitchmen show Billy Mays.

HI BILLY MAYS HERE FOR OXYCLEAN.

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