Eagle-eyed, or rather eagle-eared (do eagle’s even hear well?), viewers who have seen Kevin Smith’s latest film CopOut may have heard a passing reference to “All your base”, a tired old Internet meme from the turn of the millennium that was spawned from the poorly translated Sega Megadrive game Zero Wing. If I have to sit here and explain something as ingrained as “All your base” then I really question your knowledge of the Internet and must ask if you’re truly a tech savvy 20-something or a middle aged soccer mom. If you’re the latter I have to ask a follow up question of “what the hell are you doing here” followed by “what the hell are you doing watching Kevin Smith movies”. I mentioned CopOut because it leads into my next observation about the kinds of people who watch Kevin Smith movies. There are two kinds of people who watch his movies and they are either culturally in-tuned young people who will understand the meta humor of his films (me) or quasi-permadrunken “bro” figures who just want to laugh at dick jokes and make obscene gestures to each other (everybody else on the Texas A&M University Corpus Christi campus).
Tracy Morgan may or may not be slightly retarded, but we love him anyway.
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End Of The Internet
1990's, all your base, ate my balls, internet, memes, numa numa, school
No, I’m not about to rip into the (many) problems with the modern-day era of Pokemon. As much as I’d like to do that I don’t even know enough about Gold/Silver/Crystal to even begin to fabricate an argument higher in thought than “it sucks pretty bad”. This article is about a peculiar video of the same name, specifically the November 30th, 1999 episode of the show In Focus, a religiously charged broadcast that airs on WVCY TV30 in Wisconsin. This shoddy public access tape traveled all the way from Wisconsin down to the bowels of South Texas to meet me, like a stroke of destiny, in a Goodwill store. I always lurk the VHS section of any second-hand store because I have a knack for the awkwardly cringeworthy and that’s simply the place for the best pickins. Nestled in between a copy of The Land Before Time 45,713 and Popeye cartoons in Spanish lied this VHS – a simple black tape with a homemade type-written label reading “THE PROBLEM WITH POKEMON”. I bought it with a smile on my face knowing this would be superb, and it was.
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10 Years After
1990's, nostalgia, pokemon, religion, vhs
Seeing as how I am largely a byproduct of the 1990’s I had the opportunity to grow up enjoying a lot of wondrous things such as MC Hammer making a zillion dollars off of one song and subsequently spending it all on the randomest crap ever (2 Legit 2 Pay My Bills), a time when Nickelodeon didn’t suck copious amounts of things I cannot say on this blog, and the awesome green version of Gator Golf (seriously the new orange one is terrifying). Also in the nineties (in 1993 specifically) this virtually unknown Swedish pop band called Ace of Base released their debut album Happy Nation. If you don’t know who Ace of Base is, then you might recognize this song anyways, because it’s terribly catchy in a godawful “this is why some people hated the 90’s” kind of way. Here is, arguably, their biggest hit single ever, The Sign.
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Auditory Hell
1990's, ace of base, crap, music
